Monday, August 25, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: Joe Lieberman's Ego Nominated for Republican VP

SEPT. 4, 2008 (ROOTERS) - John McCain stunned voters and colleagues alike today with the nomination of Joe Lieberman's ego as his vice-presidential choice.

"Joe Lieberman has the support of many voters in this country," said McCain spokesman Brian Rogers. "He brings in a lot of Jewish voters, traditional voters, and swing voters. However," he added, "a lot of his positions lose us traction among traditional Republican voters. For instance, he's pro-choice. We can't lose the fundamental Christian vote. So the next best thing was to nominate his ego."

Lieberman's ego, which has previously been seen to be impervious to criticism and electoral challenge, was gratified to be on the ticket.

"I see this as a great step forward for independents who have ambition but no scruples," said the ego. "Without being tied down to any policy or morals, we can accomplish great things. Such as getting elected."

The Obama camp was swift to respond. "It's not fair," said a spokesman. "We have to contend against one of the greatest egos in American politics, and if it gets elected, we still have to deal with Lieberman's policies in the Senate. We're filing a protest and issuing a strongly-worded letter."

Unknown is whether the ego will carry with it Lieberman's speaking habits. Mr. Rogers insisted, though, that they are working to eliminate all traces of sonorous monotony from the voice of the ego.

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